"My son's teacher claims he's aggressive based on his look."

A concerned parent seeks advice, questioning the validity of the observations of her son's teacher.

Hey MJ,

I'm dealing with a situation involving my black son, who's in the 4th grade, and I'm looking for some advice or insight from anyone who might have experienced something similar. Recently, his teacher approached me with concerns about his behavior, specifically claiming that he seemed aggressive toward her.

When I pressed for details, asking if he had balled his fists or made any threats, she said no. She based her entire assessment on the "look in his eyes," stating that while everything else about his demeanor was normal, his eyes made her feel like he wanted to harm her.

This isn't the first issue I've had with the school regarding my son, especially as it relates to sports.

The school has created problems before he even started participating. I'm concerned about this subjective observation and how it might affect my son's reputation and experience at school.

I'm seeking advice on how to handle this situation and whether anyone else has dealt with similar accusations based on such subjective criteria.

Thanks for any help you can offer.

Sincerely,

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Addressing concerns raised by a teacher about your child's behavior, especially when based on subjective perceptions, requires a careful and measured approach. Given the sensitive nature of the situation and the potential for misinterpretation, it's crucial to advocate for your son effectively while seeking a clear understanding of the teacher's observations.

First, request a more detailed discussion with the teacher. It's important to get specific examples or incidents that led to her perception. Clarify that understanding her perspective is key to addressing any issues constructively. During this conversation, be open but also express your concerns about the subjective nature of her assessment.

Additionally, it's essential to observe your son's behavior in different settings outside of school. Look for any signs of stress, discomfort, or aggression that might need addressing. Children often exhibit different behaviors in various environments, and understanding the full picture is important.

If the teacher's assessment seems to stem more from perception than concrete behavior, it's advisable to bring this issue to the school's attention. A meeting with the school counselor or principal could provide a more objective viewpoint. They can observe your son in different settings, providing a more balanced understanding of his behavior.

Having an open conversation with your son about his experiences at school and with his teacher is also crucial. He might be able to provide insight into his interactions with the teacher or any situations that might be affecting his behavior.

Considering the recurring issues you've had with the school, especially in relation to sports, it's important to be vigilant about any patterns that might suggest bias or misunderstanding. If the situation does not improve, or if you feel your son's treatment is unfair, seeking advice from an educational advocate or a child psychologist could be beneficial. They can offer professional advice and support in navigating these complex situations.

Navigating these challenges requires patience, understanding, and sometimes outside support. Your active involvement and advocacy for your son's fair treatment and well-being are key in ensuring that his school experience is positive and conducive to his growth.

Kenbe la,

MJ

ABOUT "HEY, MJ"

In 2020, the "Badass Black Girl" book series author M.J. Fievre began receiving correspondence from a varied audience, including parents, young adults, and teens. Fievre, an established author and speaker, is known for her insightful engagement with themes relevant to these demographics. The communication, primarily through Facebook or the Badass Black Girl inbox, revolves around topics covered in her books and public talks. These interactions display a rich tapestry of experiences and viewpoints, highlighting the author's impact on her readers.

“Hey, MJ” is a platform created to foster a meaningful connection between M.J. Fievre and her readers. It offers a forum for open dialogue, personalized advice, and the sharing of collective experiences. The platform's effectiveness is rooted in Fievre's expertise as an author and speaker. Her work, particularly in the "Badass Black Girl" series, showcases her deep understanding of the challenges and triumphs faced by her audience. Her background as an educator and her commitment to empowering young voices further enhance her ability to offer relevant and empathetic responses.

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